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A Kitten's Guide to Washing Up - Chris Dolley's Journal — LiveJournal

About A Kitten's Guide to Washing Up

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This week's Kitten's Guide looks at 'Replacing the Dishwasher' - just one of the many ways a caring kitten can help save the planet.

The case is obvious: dishwashers cost money and energy but a kitten's tongue is free.

Here we have Kai and Xena demonstrating the dual action plate cleaning technique.


Remember that as soon as you've cleaned the plate, you must sit on it. Otherwise how will your human know that you've finished? Although, strangely, some humans do not seem to appreciate this. And may make references to 'are those the same feet that just came out of the litter tray?'

This is, of course, a rhetorical question born out of envy - humans only having the two feet and never having mastered the litter tray.

Below we see Xena getting into position on her plate and doing a last minute check before sitting up and signalling her task complete. Meanwhile Kai is manoeuvring his tongue into all those difficult-to-get-to places that human hands and pan scrapers never quite manage.


Remember, raspy kitten tongues are far more efficient than pan scrapers - which should be removed from the human's sink and ripped to shreds. A process that is both helpful - pan scourers being the work of the devil (I am told they are manufactured by forced kitten labour in third world kennels!) - and fun. Ummm, shreddy goodness.

Below we see Xena demonstrating the kitten approved sitting position for signalling the plate is 100% kitten clean and ready to be put away. Kai, meanwhile, has found a patch of extra sticky porridge. This may take some time.


Finally we have Kai and Xena cleaning the sink. Note the vertical tails. Vertical tails, besides acting as an excellent counter balance, signal that traces of milk have been detected and humans are advised - for their own safety - to keep their distance.



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From:ghymoreid
Date:January 24th, 2007 02:39 pm (UTC)
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May I share this too? My friends loved the kitten spam, and I think this will tickle them too. :)
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From:chrisdolley
Date:January 24th, 2007 02:47 pm (UTC)
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Of course:)

I also have weekly Kitten Guides going back to last summer.
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From:ghymoreids_mum
Date:January 25th, 2007 12:46 am (UTC)
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i've just read some of the other Kitten guides [hilarious], though i've been following the Adventures of the Tribbles for some time now. your writing is wonderful.
[may i add you?]
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From:chrisdolley
Date:January 25th, 2007 05:13 am (UTC)
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Of course:)
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From:cheesygirl
Date:January 24th, 2007 02:41 pm (UTC)
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BWAH! Such helpful house kitties! My Tilly likes to help scour the dishes and pans, especially if there's gravy or spaghetti sauce involved. :-D
From:risingpheenix
Date:January 24th, 2007 02:43 pm (UTC)
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I really, really needed to see your post this morning as I having a streak of frustration at work. This is hilarious. We once almost served Kitten for Thanksgiving dinner instead of turkey - our Winni (cliche name not given by us) sat turkey still on the turkey platter, so fowl like, that we confused her for the real bird.
From:anothernathan
Date:January 24th, 2007 02:55 pm (UTC)
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My cats were very helpful over the weekend. While I was cleaning out the kitchen cabinets, (with all glassware moved to the kitchen table), they found it necessary to have a burst of energy. (As you know, cats have 2 gears - dead and Mach 5.)

At any rate, most of the glassware did not survive.

OOOH, shiny new glassware.

Thanks, Kitties!
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From:chrisdolley
Date:January 24th, 2007 03:45 pm (UTC)
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And doesn't the glass fly a long way!

Maybe it's our tiled floor, maybe it's the practiced panic of our cats, but we find glass shards yards away from the initial impact. Sometimes days later, hiding in nooks with a trajectory impossible to recreate using normal physics.
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From:theldara
Date:January 24th, 2007 03:06 pm (UTC)
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::giggle:: That's adorable. We call that the kitty/puppy pre-wash at our house (I actually do toss bleach into my dishwasher and use the "sanatize" setting though ;) ... I hate denying them the last little bits though if they want them).
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From:pacific12th
Date:January 24th, 2007 03:28 pm (UTC)
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heheh kitty on the plate! cute!
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From:angiet
Date:January 24th, 2007 03:44 pm (UTC)
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I cannot thank you enough for your useful household tips. Of course Kittens are preferable to dish washers because Kittens also require no detergent which pollutes water.

I am glad you cleared up for me as well the issue of Kitten plate sitting. I thought it meant that no plate should ever be empty and it needed filling up again but I bow to your superior knowledge.
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From:bettybaker
Date:January 24th, 2007 04:05 pm (UTC)
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Oh, so cute and funny. =)
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From:anghara
Date:January 24th, 2007 08:55 pm (UTC)
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If one of mine sat on a plate (s)he would get wallopped, and hard! They are NOT allowed on the counter. And well do they know it, even though they're continuously pushing it - but if I yell "OFF!" from across the living room they're off the counter in a flash - they KNOW they aren't allowed up there...

(But your dishwashing team IS cute *g*)
From:(Anonymous)
Date:January 25th, 2007 04:40 pm (UTC)

Dinner Dates

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I had a friend who would invite dates over for dinner. After the meal was completed, he would put the plates on the floor for the cats to clean. Then he would put the plates back in the cupboard! He loved the reaction of the girls. I don't think he is married yet!

Gary Farmer
www.PetTreatsPlus.com
From:(Anonymous)
Date:January 26th, 2007 09:52 pm (UTC)
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That third photo of Xena on the plate is hilarious. I don't know if I'd eat off of it knowing it's behind was on it! LOL!

Thank you for sharing this with the Carnival of Family Life.

Local Girl
An Island Life
http://islandlife808.com
From:(Anonymous)
Date:January 30th, 2007 02:10 am (UTC)

Cute

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Well that is one way to get the dishes cleaned.

Here via the carnival of family life.

Lisa
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From:dressdncheckers
Date:February 7th, 2007 08:04 pm (UTC)
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theses are so great. thanks for the tips!

you should consider compiling these into a book.

dare i say,... best seller? "the kitten's guide to..."

you can just cut me a check for oh, let's say... 20%

;P
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From:chrisdolley
Date:February 8th, 2007 08:01 am (UTC)
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I must admit I have been thinking along those lines. Though not necessarily the 'giving you 20%' part:)
From:kalie_b
Date:January 6th, 2010 06:51 pm (UTC)
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That would be an alternative for our conventional appliance parts, no water or electricity consume. As much as I love cats I still prefer my dishwasher. What's with the cats in the sink anyway? My little kitten would do just the same if I let him.
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