January 3rd, 2007

International Kittens of Mystery

Festive Overindulgence: A Kitten's Guide to Weight Watching over the Holiday Period

The holiday period over, even a kitten must weigh up the consequences. That extra mouse for breakfast, the plum and vole pudding, the Christmas sparrow. All add inches to the waistline. And that bowl that used to accommodate three tribbles with ease ... bulges under the weight of two stuffed kittens.

And just to prove that it's never too early to start weight training here we have four tribbles being lectured on the subject earlier in the year. A very fat cat - from Munchers Anonymous and therefore blacked out from the picture - warns the tribbles about the dangers of overindulgence. A mouse on the lips is worth an inch on the hips.

One tribble, who was missing from the original lecture (there were of course five tribbles), learns the 'mouse on the lips' rule the hard way. 'I can't weigh that much,' he complains. But of course he can. The scales - except for mine - never lie.

And, while on the subject of festive overindulgence, remember that overindulgence doesn't just apply to eating. Fighting, always a problem at large family gatherings, should be kept to the minimum. Fighting on a full stomach, especially if it's not yours, is frowned upon in polite company. Below Xena and Kai demonstrate the 'Who me?' defence when accused of fighting - with aggravated growling and, I believe, some spitting - in public.

Note to all kittens: the 'who me?' defence has never worked. As can be seen by the worried, and distinctly guilty, look in Xena's eye.