November 22nd, 2006

International Kittens of Mystery

Meal Time Etiquette: A Kitten's Guide

Are you a prowler or a beggar?

Xena demonstrates one of the approved kitten routines for reminding humans that a promised meal time is long overdue: The Prowl. Eye contact with the human should be maintained for as long as possible with occasional shocked glances into the empty food bowl. Leg rubbing is allowed, as is purring. In fact anything is allowed if it gets the human's attention - except sitting still.

Which is another routine altogether, with a different set of rules as Kai demonstrates The Sad But Well-Behaved Beggar. Eye contact is essential, as is silence, the sitting position and large sad eyes. The only part of the kitten that can move is the head - which tracks the human around the room until guilt consumes the food bearer and the holy bowl is filled.

Under extreme conditions - hunger or the day has a 'y' in it - The Leaning Prayer routine is allowed. Kai and Xena demonstrate this extreme form of begging below.

Note Xena's perfect form - the straight back, the front paws brought together in prayer, the raised tail. Kai's form is less classical, adopting the more modern approach of grasping the bowl with both front paws. Many judges would dock him a point for that.

And finally, we have Kai demonstrating the approved kitten stance when protecting your human's food. The nose should never be more than an inch away from the rim. Any further and a predator - a dog, a burglar or even another kitten - could sneak in and steal a slurp.

And, remember, food tasting is an important part of a kitten's job. Humans may not appreciate it but poisoners are everywhere and the only way to keep your human safe and available for food collection runs to the supermarket is to occasionally dunk your paw into his or her bowl. They'll thank you for it in the end.