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Spellspam Interview: a Cat's Perspective
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Mar. 11th, 2008 @ 10:12 am
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This week the International Kittens of Mystery invite Laptop and Boboko, without whom (as all cats know) Alma Alexander would not have been able to write the latest Worldweaver's book - Spellspam - which is out today.
Because of the premature end to last week's interview (following the tuna incident) Xena has decided to assist Kai this week.
Kai: How do you most help your human with her writing? Do you warm her keyboard? Help her with the typing? Or do you translate her text into Polish with some clever paw strokes?
Xena: You asked that last week.
Kai: So? It's my best question. (flicks tail pointedly and turns to Laptop)
Laptop: I find that pathetic meows from the middle of the office where I am just too far to reach REALLY help her concentration. it helps her focus in the right place - which is, of course, me.
Boboko: Well, there are times I want lovings. Like, NOW. And there are times I want her to clean the litter box. Like, NOW. And there are times that I want her to... oh, wait... you mean she was doing something else?
Kai: Humans ALWAYS think they're doing something else. (climbs onto back of chair, tries to turn, teeters precariously, overbalances, digs in claws and swings precariously from front paws whilst trying to pass off entire incident as pre-planned) Thea's a double seventh - seventh child of two seventh child parents. Those are pretty big litters for humans. So, I'm guessing Thea's really a kitten, isn't she? It's one of those allegorical stories where the heroine has to be a human for marketing purposes but we all know she's really a kitten.
Boboko: Yes but how long are her whiskers?
Laptop: Pah. Humans just get carried away sometimes. Doesn't mean they can aspire to be cats.
Xena: (watching the tempting target of Kai's fluffy tail swing in front of her nose for one too many times) thwap!
Kai: Ow! Are ... are there any magical kittens in this book?
Laptop: There are no such things as NON-magical kittens. In this book or anywhere else. Yes, there's a cat - I'm told that SHE has committed the atrocity of amalgamating me and my silly brother into one creature for her character's cat, but we can both forgive her that. She probably didn't want to hurt our feelings by choosing one over the other. And I fully realise that she couldn't have a cat called Laptop in a book which has to do with cyber magic - humans are easily confused - hence the name she gave the cat in the book.
Boboko: There's a cat in the book?
Kai: (trying to read the autocue while hanging upside down) Yawny raft ot kooq...
Xena (rolls eyes) How would you suggest a cat sells this book to their human? What would your pitch be?
Laptop: We cats, we have known for a long time there is more to the world that you know than just what you can smell or paw or hear, that there are other creatures out there (some of them ARE food, arguably) and that you need to open your mind to the possibilities. And that once you become aware of yourself and what you are and what your place is in all the worlds that you can walk in, anything is possible, really.
Boboko: You DO know that neither of us can read...? But this book was written by She Who Doles Out Treats and Kibble. We like treats and kibble, Lap and I. So buy the book, and help her keep the kibble coming...
Kai: (falls down, shocked) Kibble can be stopped? What about the Kibble Fairy?
Xena: Thwap! (turns to Laptop) Any plans to talk your human into writing some cat-centric mythology. I'm thinking Bast the Egyptian cat goddess.
Laptop: ALL HAIL TO BAST - and don't think we haven't been trying. With the help of the Cat Headed One, we will prevail. And if she doesn't there's always the option of wandering across her keyboard on our own and doing it ourselves. In Polish.
Boboko: Well how was I supposed to know that the pile of treats you wouldn't eat was an offering to Bast and not just something I could finish off?... Sorry, folks. I messed up the sacrifice. I guess the Cat Headed One will have to wait just a little longer for her story... ooooh... SQUIRRELS...
Kai: Squirrels? Where?
Xena: Come back! We haven't finished...
Well, if it's not tuna it's squirrels.
Here's Laptop and Boboko behaving themselves:
And here's Kai and Xena having an animated discussion about third person narrative:
If you'd like to know more about Laptop and Boboko click here
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Four Cats and a Goblin (plus some Tuna)
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Mar. 4th, 2008 @ 11:23 am
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As heralded last week, our international kitten of mystery (the kitten formerly know as Kai) is conducting a series of feline interviews to prove the old adage - 'Behind every successful author there's a cat - and there's another one over there and one's got the manuscript and one's on the keyboard and Noooo!'
Today, Kai welcomes Flop, Pod and Flit who's pet human, Jim Hines, has a book coming out today. The book is called Goblin War and makes an ideal gift for pet humans of all ages.
Kai: (balancing precariously on arm of chair while trying to read autocue) How do you most help your human with his writing? Do you warm his keyboard? Help him with the typing? Or do you translate his text into Polish with some clever paw strokes?
Flop: Some humans need more help than others. Jim requires a three-cat team. Flit over there helps keep him on schedule, making sure he doesn't sleep in too late. Pod provides financial incentive for Jim's work by shredding the occasional curtain. As for me, I keep the other two in line.
Pod: What's that supposed to mean? You think just because I'm missing a leg, you can--
Flop: *thwapthwapthwap*
Pod: Hey, I was just asking.
Flit: Huh? What was the question?
Kai: (falls off chair, almost lands on feet, swishes tail and blames last week's earthquake in Market Rasen) Are there any magical kittens in his book?
Flop: No magical kittens, but there are tunnel-cats, the fiercest beasts in the whole trilogy. Jig the goblin might be able to fight humans and wizards and even a dragon, but he never messes with the tunnel-cats.
Pod: What about that short story where the tunnel-cat gets--
Flop: I don't want to talk about that. I'm pretty sure the dogs wrote that scene when we weren't looking. They'll pay for that one of these days.
Flit: Wait, what's going on? Who are we talking to now?
Kai: (sharpening claws on chair legs) With your human writing all these books about goblins, when's he going to produce a cookery book? There must be some good goblin recipes - maybe with a little tuna...
Flit: Tuna! (bounds away)
Flop: You had to say the T-word, didn't you.
Pod: Most goblin recipes sound pretty good to me, actually. But humans don't seem to appreciate them. Don't ask me why. The barbequed elf with rock serpent gravy is especially tempting.
Kai: (mouth open, head back, glazed look while doing a passing imitation of Snowball imitating Homer Simpson) Rock serpent gravy... (gurgle, wretch - unexpected hairball) How would you suggest a cat sells this book to their monkey? What would your pitch be?
Flit: He lied. There wasn't any tuna. Go sneeze on him, Pod!
Flop: Jig the goblin takes a very feline approach to adventures and quests: he wants nothing to do with them. He'd rather curl up and nap, or at least hide somewhere that the warrior goblins don't pick on him. Instead, he gets dragged off on some silly human adventure, and has to survive with his wits and his fangs. Also with his pet spider who sets things on fire a lot.
Pod: I had a pet spider, but I eated him.
Flop: Anyway, it's an entertaining book, particularly for anyone who's familiar with the tropes of the genre. Jig's a very loveable character, for a biped.
Flit: What's a trope?
Kai: (acting knowledgeable)It's French for mole. Not as nice as mouse but better than spider. Do you think any of the characters in your human's books are based upon you?
Flop: Well, the elves who appear in the first and third books are highly graceful, like myself.
Pod: Didn't you fall off the DVD player again last night?
Flop: *thwap* Some of the goblins are a little dense in the head. I'll leave it to you to decide which of us inspired them.
Flit: Wait, maybe there's tuna now! (Bounds off again)
Kai (bounding in pursuit) Tuna? Wait for me!
And there - a little sooner than planned but we are talking tuna - the interview ended.
Here's Flop, Pod and Flit in the Green Room interviewing the tuna.
And here's Kai resting after a heavy meal.
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Author Interviews - The Feline Perspective
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Feb. 27th, 2008 @ 09:18 am
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One of the problems of being an International Kitten of Mystery is maintaining a successful cover. Dogs have learnt how to Google and tax humans get suspicious when unemployed kittens claim helicopter expenses.
So, for international security and tax purposes, Kai has decided to become an interviewer.
On March 4th he'll be posting an interview with Flop, Pod and Flit - three cats who ghost write under the human name of Jim Hines.
And on March 10th he'll be interviewing Laptop and Boboko who write under the human name of Alma Alexander.
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Annalise interview
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Jan. 28th, 2008 @ 08:27 am
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Jackie Kessler, author of Hell's Belles, has been running a series of interviews on her blog where one of her characters (Jezebel, a former succubus demon) interviews characters from other author's books.
Naturally, Annalise volunteered.
Here's the result.
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SF Signal Post
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Jan. 11th, 2008 @ 03:23 pm
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I'm still on a limited dial-up internet access (c 40 mins/day) until we get our broadband back (hopefully by the end of the month - flying pigs willing:) so posting will be short.
A few days back SF Signal asked a number of SF authors - including me - for their definition of 'What is SF?' The result can be viewed here. I thought about this for a while and decided - as is my wont - to come up with something a little different.
So, here's my definition:
Thinking musically, science fiction is what you get when fiction goes electric. You plug ideas into an effects box and play with all the settings - adding distortion, harmonics, sustain, feedback and maybe a little echo. Then you turn all the amplifiers up to eleven.
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Say It Ain't So, PO
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Nov. 20th, 2007 @ 11:16 am
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It would appear that the International Reply Coupon, after one hundred years of service to overseas authors everywhere, is no more. It has pined for the fjords and posted itself - without an enclosed SASE - into the great PO Box in the sky.
And no one told me!
I only found our last month when I went to our local post office in Normandy to send a short story to F&SF. I asked for a coupon international de reponse and was met with a glazed expression. And, for once, it was not because of my pronunciation.
"Je suis baffled," she said - I translate approximately. She knew what an IRC was. She'd sold them. In the past. But ... it had been such a long time ago and Mr. Verne hadn't been in for a while...
So, off she went and searched the shelves, the back room, her coat pockets. Then checked her computer and asked a colleague. Gallic shrugs all round. "Nous sommes tres baffled."
Perhaps Alencon might have one? Or Paris?
I drove home and toured the net, checking the web sites of the French Post Office, the Royal Mail, USPS. No mention of IRCs anywhere. And then I found someone's blog. Apparently IRCs were discontinued a year or so back as they were costly to administer and only used by authors submitting work overseas.
And yet they're still mentioned in magazine submission guidelines. I know, I looked.
Never one to give up until a hospital is involved, I tried option two: buying US stamps online. This looked a winner. For a while. There were several companies offering 'print your own US stamps' services at reasonable prices. But half an hour of screens and fine print later I found the only way I could subscribe was by pretending I lived in the US. Which is undoubtedly illegal. Of course, being extradited to the US for mail fraud would be a good opportunity to buy US stamps but...
Option three also looked a winner for a while. I could buy stamps online from USPS. If I bought at least 20. All I wanted was one 90 cent stamp! And the postage and packing for twenty 90 cent stamps was $6. So one SASE was going to cost me $24.
Now, if I intended to make a habit of sending stories to the US, fine. But I'm not. So, I plumped for option four. I emailed my nephew at Yale and explained the situation. Extradition on mail fraud imminent - send 90 cent stamp immediately.
It worked.
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Update
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Nov. 9th, 2007 @ 10:43 am
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I'm at one of those authorial crossroads, not quite sure which direction to take and wondering if I can get planning permission to create my own road - a far more entertaining path with lots of twists, good views and connecting all the places a good road should.
So here's my quandary. I'm still waiting for Baen to make a decision on my time travelling novel - they've had it for 14 months. In the past I would have completed the novel sans contract but, today, I find it difficult to motivate myself to spend nine months writing a book that may never see the light of day when I have a queue of other book ideas shouting 'Me! Me!' in my ear.
I'm six chapters into a police procedural with magic. I'm five chapters into a sequel to my mystery novel, An Unsafe Pair of Hands (the manuscript of which has just been requested by a New York agent). I'd like to bring out a Kitten's Guide book. I've been looking again at Nous Sommes Anglais. And, to cap it all, I've decided to try my hand at Urban Fantasy - combining my three loves, magic, mystery and humour.
Which is what I've been doing the last month. I thought I'd trial the experiment by constructing the first three chapters as a standalone short story - which I've done - and then send it out to the big mags and see what they thought. Chapter four would then be a 'setting up' chapter before going into another episode - which I'm now writing - which I'd send out as another short story.
I like the idea. Whether editors and publishers will is another matter.
Now I'm off to complete our ram shelter. We laid the concrete base yesterday, now comes the lifting of the shelter onto its base and the roofing. Unfortunately magic is not an option - so brute strength and craftsmanship is required:)
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Author Tea - Web chat
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Jul. 25th, 2007 @ 10:00 am
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I'm doing a web chat at noon EST (that's 6pm CET, 5pm BST and 9am PST) today. It's my first ever visit to a chat room - so there's plenty of chance for me to get lost amongst the virtual furniture and maybe even fall out of the window. But I'll be there for a couple of hours - maybe longer if I can't find my way out.
The site is here and you enter the chat room by entering a name at the top right of the page.
Apparently it's a moderated chat using UserPlane and here's a few of the guidelines I've been given:
In the blue colored box, you will type in your comments and responses. Please only type in TWO lines at a time. The program automatically cuts off after two lines and does not tell you where it stopped. You will see your whole post, but others will only see part of it. You transmit by clicking on SEND or hitting ENTER on your keyboard.
If what you have to say takes more than two lines, just type … before you hit SEND. When you've finished, type DONE.
We'll chat informally a few minutes until guests arrive. When five guests show or it is 12:10, the moderator will formally begin the chat by explaining how the chat works and announcing the following rules:
* To ask a question, type ? The moderator will call people in order.
* To make a comment, type ! and the moderator will call on you as convenient.
The moderator will briefly introduce you, then pass the chat over to you for your own opening comments. In the meantime, she will start taking requests for questions. You will see other people popping up with ?--just keep typing in your opening comments.
When you say DONE, the moderator will call on questioners. You answer questions, say DONE and themoderator calls on the next. If the audience runs out of questions, the moderator will ask some. You are also welcome to interject other comments.
So if you'd like to chat you know where I am. I might even bring an international kitten of mystery with me.
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San Francisco: How a Freedom Fighting Farmer Got There
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Jul. 18th, 2007 @ 11:42 am
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My trip to San Francisco was an unusual one - in that there were no rail strikes, the air traffic controllers didn't walk out in sympathy and no one threw themselves in front of my train (as had happened in 2005 on my first book tour to the UK)
I even reached the airport with two and three quarter hours to spare. Little did I know that I'd need every minute of those two and three quarter hours or that I'd spend the entire time queuing. Security Regulations. Luckily I'd read up on what was required and had my passport, an electricity bill to prove where I lived and a hotel confirmation slip to prove where I was going. Not enough. My passport and electricity bill were scrutinised but was I really who I said I was? Where was my driving license? At home, as no one had said it would be required. After all, I had a passport.
I was removed from the queue for further processing - rubber hoses were being prepared in a room nearby. Now here's the advantage of being slightly obsessive and always carrying more than strictly required. I may not have had my driving license but I did have my assurance maladie - proof of both address and medical care from the French state. A supervisor was called over and the rubber hoses were put away.
More queuing at passport control - just in case I'd switched passports since the last time they'd looked. Then it's x-ray time and off come the shoes, belts, watches, loose change and coats. Then straight from there to the next queue - apparently Terminal 2E at Paris CDG is still being built and there's a 45 minute bus ride to the plane. What? How large is this airport? I'm already at Terminal 2.
Luckily the sign was misleading. The bus ride is only five minutes. It just takes 45 minutes to queue for it and board the plane. An hour after the plane was supposed to take off we're still sitting on the runway as they're still trying to reconcile the passenger list against the baggage. Aaarggh!
And then on a 7,000 mile trip due west, the plane spends the first 300 miles travelling due north. How did I know? The amazing in-flight entertainment console which as well as having movies and games had a map showing where the plane was and details of its air speed, tail wind, altitude and expected arrival time. The trip north was in fact a cunning plan to pick up a tail wind which cut an hour off the flight. And fly over the southern tip of Greenland which, in full sun, was a spectacular sight - mountains, loads of snow and some really good glaciers. Then down over Hudson Bay and into Detroit. And more queues.
This was the critical point of the trip - would I be allowed into the US? On the plane I'd been given immigration and customs forms to fill in. Forms which included questions like: Had I ever been part of a terrorist organisation, been on a farm, or was carrying fruit. I foresaw problems. I was a founder member of the Free Cornish Army. I'd liberated a small country. Was 'but I gave it back' a legitimate defence? And I lived on a farm and was carrying an apple in my hand luggage.
I was also struck by the question 'Do you intend to carry out any terrorist acts or break any laws while in the United States?' Does anyone answer yes? Is this the question to weed out the Homer Simpsons of the terrorist and crime family circles?
I decided to eat my apple and play down my nefarious agricultural and freedom fighting past. And queue for the next hour with my shoes in my hand and wearing trousers which had fashionably sagged into hipsters.
But I was allowed in. Yay! There was still room in the freedom fighter farmer quota.
On to San Francisco and a taxi ride where I had to navigate for the driver. Luckily I'd brought a map with me. Not that the taxi driver trusted it - he insisted on phoning a friend. This El Camino Real is very very long road with many many numbers, he said. Luckily the numbers were not random and I explained the cunning way they were arranged in descending order.
I arrived at midnight wide awake - it was breakfast time back in France - and read the handy hints for guests on the motel door - do not open your door to strangers (especially the armed ones) if they say they work at the motel, ring reception immediately. Use the bullet-proof spy hole in the door to determine if they match the description given. If not feel free to purchase gun in room mini-bar (first clip free)
I decided to stay inside and construct a fort in the middle of the room.
Tomorrow - the Bushman of Fisherman's Wharf.
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Shift: The first reviews are in!
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Jul. 17th, 2007 @ 10:59 am
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It's always a tense time for authors - the new book comes out and you're not sure how it's going to be received. One minute you're up, the next you're down and in sweeps the doubt - the book's no good, I should have spent more time re-working it...
And then in come the reviews.
Well, the first two reviews for Shift are out and couldn't have been much better.
Don D'Amassa at Critical Mass writes:
"I think I somehow missed reading Dolley's first novel, Resonance, when it appeared a couple of years ago. It's an oversight that I plan to correct in the near future because his second is a very accomplished, intricate, and entertaining novel. There's lots of neat stuff in this, and the plot is clever and full of surprises. It's first class writing from someone whose name will, I predict, be much better known before long."
And Harriet Klausner at Alternative Worlds writes:
"SHIFT is a great science fiction mystery that will have the audience wondering who the killer is. The story line is fast-paced but brilliantly driven by the strong cast ... Chris Dolley mesmerizes his audience."
The full reviews can be read here
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Last minute rush.
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Jun. 26th, 2007 @ 11:44 am
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Well, it's officially our wettest May and June ever. I was going to add that luckily our house is on high ground with free draining soil but luck had nothing to do with it. Our rule 4 of house buying has always been 'never buy a property close to a stream - no matter how small it looks or how pretty.' I've seen what small streams can turn into.
In between the rain, I've been packing for my US trip, writing the first three chapters of my fantasy detective, writing several bios for Westercon, Readercon and P-Con, researching information for the panels I'm on, panicking, and printing off maps and schedules for my trip. The latter not helped by the fact that my flight from San Francisco to Boston just been split into three hops - I now go via Charlotte and Philadelphia. I'm hoping that maybe US Air might split the Charlotte flight and make me fly via Boston:) Well, you can hope.
And progress is being made. I've almost finished the first three chapters. As usual despite intentions to write it all as one first draft and not rework as I go, I've relapsed. Stories evolve during the writing process and inevitably 'improvements' made in chapter three will impact on chapters one and two. And so I've been reworking and honing.
And will be taking the synopsis and first three chap to the US to hone some more. It'll give me something to do on all those airport layovers.
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Westercon - San Mateo, California (June 30th - July 3rd)
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Jun. 21st, 2007 @ 04:54 pm
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I've just received my Westercon program schedule. I have a reading and five panels - including one where Howard Hendrix and I discuss Experimental Metaphysics for 80 minutes. Methinks I better find out what it is:)
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A New Book
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Jun. 15th, 2007 @ 04:07 pm
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After what seems like months of solid promotional activities I'm now back writing. Yay! I'm aiming to get a synopsis and the first three chapters of my new fantasy detective novel ready for pitching before I disappear off to America for Westercon and Readercon.
The synopsis is almost done - I need to work out the denouement - and I'm nearly 2,000 words into the first chapter.
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I'm Back
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Jun. 12th, 2007 @ 03:45 pm
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Not only back but also alive - always a bonus when returning from foreign trips:) The book signings weren't packed by any means but I met a lot of interesting people and had a good time. There was even a film crew at the Piccadilly signing. The company that made last year's documentary series on British SF for BBC4 are doing another BBC series - this time on fantasy fiction - and came along to interview fans and the more photogenic authors. Where's Kai when you need him:)
And I returned to hear via ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) halspacejock in Australia that Resonance had just entered Galaxy's bestseller list at number 7. Yay!
Now I have my Readercon panels to work out and a book proposal or two to write.
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UK Trip Countdown
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Jun. 5th, 2007 @ 03:52 pm
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Two days to go and I'm busy printing off maps and itineraries for my trip to the UK. I'll be having a practice pack this afternoon to make sure I can fit everything in - and work out how many copies of Resonance and Shift I can take with me.
It's handy that Waterstone's have an online stock system where you can see (roughly) how many copies of your books are on the shelves of each branch. Birmingham High Street are well stocked but Piccadilly (where I'm signing on Thursday) and Southampton (Saturday) don't appear to have Resonance yet. Hence the need to take copies with me.
And to complicate matters - in a good way - I had an unexpected present in the post this morning. My 20 author copies of Shift. Yay! And hmmm, how many should I take with me?
So if you see someone travelling on the Eurostar surrounded by a fort made of books, you know it's me.
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