For those who haven't heard, Dave Freer needs help. Because of deteriorating conditions, he and his family will be emigrating from South Africa to Australia. A family that includes 4 dogs and 4 cats, all of whom will be need airfare and quarantine. Because of sinking exchange rates the money saved up is no longer enough and he's come up with a plan...
The idea is simple and borrowed from Scheherazade and her companions of ages past: I tell you all a story and at critical moments I pass the hat around. When you've given me enough money I continue.
In fact I'm modifying this slightly - the idea is to put up a chapter a week of my latest book "Save the Dragons" assuming that I've received enough donations (the thermometers at the left tells you where we are). The book has 25 chapters plus an epilog. You get the first one free and then I collect $400 (US) per chapter (and per week).
If and when the book is published anyone who contributes more (in total) than $25 will get a personalized signed copy in Hardback posted to them (or if it doesn’t ever come out in hardback -all but my first book have done -- in the next most expensive format). And no matter what all the money raised goes to keeping the Freer furry animals together with their servants--that would be us--as we head off in search of a new life.
So far Dave has raised over $4,000. So if you like comic fantasy - and you can read the first two chapters free to find out if you do - go along to here and take a look.
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I've just finished the second draft of the new novel, Medium Dead, the first (hopefully) in a new urban fantasy series.
It's weighed in at just under 96k words and I'm thinking of putting out a call for beta readers. So, if you'd like to read a fun fantasy drop me a line at chris(dot)dolley(at)worldonline.fr
Warning: there is some strong language and there are positively NO vampires or werewolves. But there is plenty of magic, mystery, humour and shapeshifting.
Here's a brief synopsis:
Medium Dead is the first in a crime fighting fantasy series chronicling the adventures of Brenda, a reluctant medium, and Brian, a self-styled Vigilante Demon.
Brenda Steele is smart, funny and out of her depth. A magical being wants her to find murdered spirits and help him track down their killers. But Brian doesn't just catch criminals he likes to play with them first and make the punishment fit the crime. As he tells Brenda, 'if all you did was turn up, capture the bad guy then leave - century after century - you'd die of boredom.' But he's also reckless – his last partner died during one of his take downs.
And here's a snippet:
Brenda managed to pick her way through the opening chapters of Strong Poison but even the imminent entanglement of Harriet Vane and Lord Peter failed to engage her as much as it usually did. Only a jaw-dropping instalment of The Rich, The Spoilt, and the Surgically Enhanced managed to snap her out of her growing lethargy.
Celeste, the drama queen's drama queen, discovered she had a brain tumour. Apparently it was pressing on the part of her brain that controlled the buttoning and unbuttoning of her tops. Brenda marvelled at the wealth of medical information one could pick up from quality TV. With Poor Celeste staring at a future of worsening décolletage she was rushed to see the world's top neurosurgeon, Storm Canaveral, a former pro linebacker who'd taken up medicine in an effort to cure his own football related brain tumour. Storm took one look at Celeste's cleavage and whisked her away to his own private hospital yacht moored in the Med. But had he left it too late? The episode ended with Celeste flat on her back – a position not unknown to Celeste – but this time she was complaining of a headache. And that was a first.
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This week the International Kittens of Mystery invite Laptop and Boboko, without whom (as all cats know) Alma Alexander would not have been able to write the latest Worldweaver's book - Spellspam - which is out today.
Because of the premature end to last week's interview (following the tuna incident) Xena has decided to assist Kai this week.
Kai: How do you most help your human with her writing? Do you warm her keyboard? Help her with the typing? Or do you translate her text into Polish with some clever paw strokes?
Xena: You asked that last week.
Kai: So? It's my best question. (flicks tail pointedly and turns to Laptop)
Laptop: I find that pathetic meows from the middle of the office where I am just too far to reach REALLY help her concentration. it helps her focus in the right place - which is, of course, me.
Boboko: Well, there are times I want lovings. Like, NOW. And there are times I want her to clean the litter box. Like, NOW. And there are times that I want her to... oh, wait... you mean she was doing something else?
Kai: Humans ALWAYS think they're doing something else. (climbs onto back of chair, tries to turn, teeters precariously, overbalances, digs in claws and swings precariously from front paws whilst trying to pass off entire incident as pre-planned) Thea's a double seventh - seventh child of two seventh child parents. Those are pretty big litters for humans. So, I'm guessing Thea's really a kitten, isn't she? It's one of those allegorical stories where the heroine has to be a human for marketing purposes but we all know she's really a kitten.
Boboko: Yes but how long are her whiskers?
Laptop: Pah. Humans just get carried away sometimes. Doesn't mean they can aspire to be cats.
Xena: (watching the tempting target of Kai's fluffy tail swing in front of her nose for one too many times) thwap!
Kai: Ow! Are ... are there any magical kittens in this book?
Laptop: There are no such things as NON-magical kittens. In this book or anywhere else. Yes, there's a cat - I'm told that SHE has committed the atrocity of amalgamating me and my silly brother into one creature for her character's cat, but we can both forgive her that. She probably didn't want to hurt our feelings by choosing one over the other. And I fully realise that she couldn't have a cat called Laptop in a book which has to do with cyber magic - humans are easily confused - hence the name she gave the cat in the book.
Boboko: There's a cat in the book?
Kai: (trying to read the autocue while hanging upside down) Yawny raft ot kooq...
Xena (rolls eyes) How would you suggest a cat sells this book to their human? What would your pitch be?
Laptop: We cats, we have known for a long time there is more to the world that you know than just what you can smell or paw or hear, that there are other creatures out there (some of them ARE food, arguably) and that you need to open your mind to the possibilities. And that once you become aware of yourself and what you are and what your place is in all the worlds that you can walk in, anything is possible, really.
Boboko: You DO know that neither of us can read...? But this book was written by She Who Doles Out Treats and Kibble. We like treats and kibble, Lap and I. So buy the book, and help her keep the kibble coming...
Kai: (falls down, shocked) Kibble can be stopped? What about the Kibble Fairy?
Xena: Thwap! (turns to Laptop) Any plans to talk your human into writing some cat-centric mythology. I'm thinking Bast the Egyptian cat goddess.
Laptop: ALL HAIL TO BAST - and don't think we haven't been trying. With the help of the Cat Headed One, we will prevail. And if she doesn't there's always the option of wandering across her keyboard on our own and doing it ourselves. In Polish.
Boboko: Well how was I supposed to know that the pile of treats you wouldn't eat was an offering to Bast and not just something I could finish off?... Sorry, folks. I messed up the sacrifice. I guess the Cat Headed One will have to wait just a little longer for her story... ooooh... SQUIRRELS...
Kai: Squirrels? Where?
Xena: Come back! We haven't finished...
Well, if it's not tuna it's squirrels.
Here's Laptop and Boboko behaving themselves:
And here's Kai and Xena having an animated discussion about third person narrative:
If you'd like to know more about Laptop and Boboko click here
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One of the problems of being an International Kitten of Mystery is maintaining a successful cover. Dogs have learnt how to Google and tax humans get suspicious when unemployed kittens claim helicopter expenses.
So, for international security and tax purposes, Kai has decided to become an interviewer.
On March 4th he'll be posting an interview with Flop, Pod and Flit - three cats who ghost write under the human name of Jim Hines.
And on March 10th he'll be interviewing Laptop and Boboko who write under the human name of Alma Alexander.
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Update
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Nov. 9th, 2007 @ 10:43 am
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I'm at one of those authorial crossroads, not quite sure which direction to take and wondering if I can get planning permission to create my own road - a far more entertaining path with lots of twists, good views and connecting all the places a good road should.
So here's my quandary. I'm still waiting for Baen to make a decision on my time travelling novel - they've had it for 14 months. In the past I would have completed the novel sans contract but, today, I find it difficult to motivate myself to spend nine months writing a book that may never see the light of day when I have a queue of other book ideas shouting 'Me! Me!' in my ear.
I'm six chapters into a police procedural with magic. I'm five chapters into a sequel to my mystery novel, An Unsafe Pair of Hands (the manuscript of which has just been requested by a New York agent). I'd like to bring out a Kitten's Guide book. I've been looking again at Nous Sommes Anglais. And, to cap it all, I've decided to try my hand at Urban Fantasy - combining my three loves, magic, mystery and humour.
Which is what I've been doing the last month. I thought I'd trial the experiment by constructing the first three chapters as a standalone short story - which I've done - and then send it out to the big mags and see what they thought. Chapter four would then be a 'setting up' chapter before going into another episode - which I'm now writing - which I'd send out as another short story.
I like the idea. Whether editors and publishers will is another matter.
Now I'm off to complete our ram shelter. We laid the concrete base yesterday, now comes the lifting of the shelter onto its base and the roofing. Unfortunately magic is not an option - so brute strength and craftsmanship is required:)
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Well, it's officially our wettest May and June ever. I was going to add that luckily our house is on high ground with free draining soil but luck had nothing to do with it. Our rule 4 of house buying has always been 'never buy a property close to a stream - no matter how small it looks or how pretty.' I've seen what small streams can turn into.
In between the rain, I've been packing for my US trip, writing the first three chapters of my fantasy detective, writing several bios for Westercon, Readercon and P-Con, researching information for the panels I'm on, panicking, and printing off maps and schedules for my trip. The latter not helped by the fact that my flight from San Francisco to Boston just been split into three hops - I now go via Charlotte and Philadelphia. I'm hoping that maybe US Air might split the Charlotte flight and make me fly via Boston:) Well, you can hope.
And progress is being made. I've almost finished the first three chapters. As usual despite intentions to write it all as one first draft and not rework as I go, I've relapsed. Stories evolve during the writing process and inevitably 'improvements' made in chapter three will impact on chapters one and two. And so I've been reworking and honing.
And will be taking the synopsis and first three chap to the US to hone some more. It'll give me something to do on all those airport layovers.
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After what seems like months of solid promotional activities I'm now back writing. Yay! I'm aiming to get a synopsis and the first three chapters of my new fantasy detective novel ready for pitching before I disappear off to America for Westercon and Readercon.
The synopsis is almost done - I need to work out the denouement - and I'm nearly 2,000 words into the first chapter.
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I had a one of 'those' dreams on Friday - the ones where you wake up convinced you have the plot to the next killer novel and can't wait to start writing it. Usually this lasts less than ten seconds as the cruel light of day intercedes and reveals that your brilliant idea makes no sense, has no plot and the main character appears to be a giant fluffy were-bunny called Norman.
But not this time ... as he's called 'The Bunny With No Name'
Or maybe not.
Anyway, early Saturday morning I awoke with the solution to a story I've been struggling with for a couple of years. It started when I set out to write a fantasy detective short story and 15k words into the 5k story gave up. The story wouldn't end. There wasn't enough for a novel but, every time I tried to bring the story to a conclusion, it refused. Something wasn't right. Minor plot points refused to be resolved, the detective didn't feel right and the city was wrong.
So, I trunked the idea for a year. Then decided to chop it ruthlessly down to 5k by simplifying the structure and cutting out most of the sub plots. The result: a bare bones story that raced from start to finish without stopping anywhere long enough to become interesting. And the detective was still wrong.
Then I had the dream. I had the wrong detective. The one I should have had was the detective I used in an even older short story. He was perfect. Not an obvious choice. Not even a logical one. But for this story he was the perfect one. And the city which I'd been writing about was wrong too. It had been a two dimensional pastiche whereas my dream city teased apart all those half-formed ideas and rearranged them into a living city that, like all good cities, became as much a character as its citizens.
I've been working on the outline ever since and I haven't had so many plot pieces falling into place since Resonance. It's amazing how some books clamour to be written whereas others have to be dragged one idea at a time from an unwilling muse.
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Yes, Jon Courtenay Grimwood (9Tail Fox) and Robert Holdstock (Mythago Wood) are coming to the June 7th mass signing at Waterstones Piccadilly. There are now nine of us - nine authors to bring them all and in the bookshop sign them:)
The full line up is Steph Swainston, Robert Holdstock, Jon Courtenay-Grimwood, Chris Dolley, Steven Savile, Andrew Dennis, Eric Brown, John Lambshead and David Devereux.
We'll be at the store from 5:30 until 7pm.
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Today the Astraldome welcomes bestselling author of the Jin Shei series, Alma Alexander.
So, same format as before, with the help of two mediums strapped to a supercomputer we are going to astrally project Alma to a place very close to your computer screen. Warning: there is an 'r' in the month so there will be ectoplasm.
Ready? Okay, Windows ESP is loading, the mediums are entering a trance like state - possibly Belgium. Now, concentrate on Alma's picture below. Will her across the astral plane. And hold that image. The astral plane is a slippery place and she may snap back.
Can you see it? Alma's spectral form? Then let the interview commence...
Q1 I hear that Jin Shei has sold over 30,000 copies in hardcover in Spain in only six months. Just how large is the Spanish branch of your family?
Someone I met at one of my many schools, back when I was fifteen or so, grew up to be a Spanish teacher - she lives in Wales and holidays in Spain regularly. Believe it or not, that is my only connection with Spain. The only thing I can say in it with any degree of conviction is "Que?" (you have to imagine the other upside down question mark, my keyboard doesn't do exotics *grin*). The success of this book in Spain was completely unlooked for, utterly confounding, and still hard to believe...
Q2. Has living in a large number of countries and travelling extensively seeped into your writing? Do you find it easier to write about outsiders and 'the other?'
That's cheating, that's two questions.
What can I say? It's two for one night on the astral plane.
Okay, part the first: I would recommend travel as a way of learning people. I make it a point to try and "mingle"; when I was living in New Zealand the opportunity arose to visit Tahiti and I grabbed it - and by the end of my ten days there I could speak a couple of dozen words in the local language, I had engaged in conversations with a local young security guard at my hotel in the only language we had in common (French) although they were peppered with lots of "how do you say" prefixes as I tried to remember the rusty schoolgirl French I'd not touched for years, and I had learned a bunch of traditions and ghost stories and tales of mystery and magic many of which WILL find their way into my writing sooner or later. I've still got my entire African life experience to write about, practically untouched. Travel is wonderful.
Part the second: oh, yes. There's nothing like coming in from outside the circle for clarity of vision of the way things are INSIDE the circle. The things that the insiders don't, will NEVER be able to, see. And will sometimes hate you, the outsider, for pointing out.
Q3. You receive a phone call from a serial killer. He asks you the same question he asked his previous victims. "You have 150 words to sell me your book. 150 words exactly. If I like what you write I'll buy the book. If I don't you die." What would your 150 words be for your new book, Gift of the Unmage?
"Thea Winthrop is a Double Seventh - seventh child of two seventh children - the most magical of the magical, the flowering of her potential eagerly awaited by her family, by her world. There's just one problem - she can't do any magic at all. Before giving up completely and sending her to the Last Ditch School for the Incurably Incompetent, where children of a magical world who are incapable of magic are sent for a decent education while being kept out of harm's way, Thea's desperate parents whisk her back in time into the care of an Anasazi tribal elder for a last attempt at waking the dormant Double Seventh potential. What Thea learns in the shadow of the red mesas of the Southwest will make her realise that she and a handful of other misfit kids from the Last Ditch School are the only ones who can save their world from a hungry evil called simply The Nothing - and that Thea's co-called magical powerlessness is the most potent weapon of all."
How is the serial killer counting the words?
Very scarily using other people's fingers.
A glance towards the silhouetted serial killer. He's deep in thought ... and other peoples' fingers. What's he going to decide? It's ... it's a thumbs up - several thumbs up - for Alma and Thea.
Q4. In Gift for an Unmage Thea attends the Last Ditch School for the Incurably Incompetent. Would you have liked to have gone to that school? Did you?
I didn't go to that school, no, but funnily enough a few of its teachers taught at schools I DID go to. I will (ahem) particularly draw your attention to the Mathematics teacher, Mr Siffer - and later, in the second book (coming next year) the Biology teacher, Mr Crow. (My husband recently bought me a T-shirt that says, "Careful or you'll end up in my novel". He thinks he was kidding.)
It's a nice enough school, as schools go, if it weren't for that moniker and its reputation as a dead-end place for useless misfits - but then, my books redeem the place, and how, so I guess that having gone there will come to be regarded as a plus rather than something to try and hide on your resume...
Q5. If you had the power to select any book, delete its existence from the time line, then give that concept to another writer, what would be that book and who do you think should have written it?
Oof. No fair. These days such books might well be written by my own peer group, by people I consider friends - and quite often the people who I might nominate as replacement-writers will ALSO be people I consider friends. Doing this would not be kind to either. But might I put forward the screenplay for the LOTR movies (as done by Peter Jackson et al) and suggest that they would have been better off giving the job to, well, *me*...? (okay, everyone, put the rocks down. I know the Jackson movies have LOTS of fans. I, however, don't think he did the book justice, he messed with the storyline (leaving out important stuff which WAS in the books and inserting irrelevant nonsense of his own making), and he COMPLETELY failed to get either Aragorn or the Elves. There IS a way of filming these books. I could have written that screenplay, kept the sweep and the drama of the movie and still kept true to the spirit of the book.
Thank you, Alma. The mediums power down, Peter Jackson's lawyers reach for their ouija boards and Alma's ghostly presence returns to whence it came.
Meanwhile, The Gift of the Unmage can be bought from all good bookshops including Amazon in the US and UK
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In a surprise statement yesterday Tony Blair announced the appointment of David Eddings as his new Special Adviser.
Eddings, 75, the best-selling author of the Fantasy series the Belgariad and the Malloreon, was in the news earlier this week when he accidentally burnt down his office in Carson City.
He had been intending to prevent a fire by draining the petrol from the tank of an old sport car he kept in his garage. As he was flushing out the tank with water he noticed a leak and a pool of liquid under the car. Curious as to whether the liquid was water or petrol he decided upon a plan of action that he later described as 'dumb.'
He lit a piece of paper and tossed it onto the pool of liquid.
The ball of orange flame and the explosion provided a swift answer to the question he had posed. No one was hurt but his car, the garage, his office, his papers and an avenue of juniper trees - now known as the Flaming Avenue of Juniper Trees - were incinerated.
Eddings exact role in the Blair government is unclear but High Fantasy is becoming increasingly popular with all politicians. Readers may recall the New Axis of Evil (North Korea, Iran and Mordor) speech and the infamous 'dodgy dossier' that claimed that Saddam Hussein had a pet dragon ready to breathe fire all over London at 15 minutes notice.
However, an opposition spokesman has intimated that the decision to appoint Eddings has less to do with a new Ministry of Fantasy and more to do with the 'cash for honours' scandal that the Blair government is currently embroiled in. "Think about it," he said. "The police have questioned the Prime Minister twice. His chief fundraiser has been arrested on suspicion of perverting the course of justice, so has one of his closest aides. And with the Number Ten shredding machine carted off by the police for analysis, what better time to bring David 'Naked Flame' Eddings to Downing Street?"
The police disagree. "The 'cash for honours' enquiry is being scaled down now and charges are unlikely," said the newly ennobled Detective Sergeant Sir Declan Smith.
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Christmas over and typing fingers fireproofed I'm back in novel writing mode. Last time I wrote I was in 1969. Now in my Time Travel (or is it?) novel, I may be in 1972. Ziggy Stardust is touring, Harry Nilsson is Without You, Don MacLean is driving his Chevy to the levee, Donny Osmond loves his puppy and Jon Pertwee is Doctor Who.
And the bestselling UK single in 1972?
Amazing Grace by the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards. Yes, 1972, the year of Glam Rock when even soldiers dressed in skirts to appear on Top of the Pops:)
And here (hopefully) is Hidden in Time's progress metre.
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The cover for Shift has just been released and here it is:
I don't who the artist is yet but I'll find out. I suspect it may be Alan Pollack - he did the artwork for Resonance.
For those wanting to see if the picture matches the blurb (and it does) take a look
here
For spoiler reasons, I won't reveal the significance of certain aspects of the cover - but they are there and if you read the book you'll notice them too:)
I'm really pleased. There's always a degree of apprehension when awaiting cover art. Will you get the infamous Men Gambolling in Pink Tights cover* or some strange concoction that bears no relation to the book you thought you wrote. I've had two covers from Baen now and both are great.
*Pink Tights Cover: I forget the title but the story was a sword and sorcery novel - lots of magic and sword play - and the cover had men, dressed in pink, skipping through the woods, arm in arm.
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Well this time the Astraldome leaves its walls unhosed down, its drains blocked and a film of scary ectoplasm moistening its drapes ... because (cue Vincent Price at the organ) it welcomes Cherie Priest - ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) cmpriest and Mistress of the Southern Gothic.
So, same format as before, with the help of two mediums strapped to a supercomputer we are going to astrally project Cherie from her office in a Seattle graveyard to a place very close to your computer screen. Remember, there may be ectoplasm and if any gets on your keyboard - don't let your cat lick it up.
Ready? Okay, Windows ESP is loading and the quantum computer has flipped through to its spin cycle. Now concentrate on Cherie's picture below. Will her across the astral plane. And hold that image, even if it takes a scary form. The astral plane is a slippery place and Cherie's spectral image might snap back.
Can you see it? Cherie's spectral form? Then let the interview commence...
Q1. Do you think that you'll continue to set most of your novels in the South? Or has moving to Seattle nudged your writing axis?
Well, I spent most of my life in the south so it's the region I know best -- but I'm already planning to rework one upcoming project to be set in Seattle. It's simply easier to write about a location that I know very well and/or have easy access to.
Q2. If you were given a government grant to design the ultimate scary chimera. What animals would you borrow from and for which parts? And would it start with the face of a sloth?
Hmm .... let's see. Face of sloth, yes. Hands of sloth too -- they look like lobster claws with fur. Maybe mouth of those bitey fish that have the glowing lures on their heads. Legs of kangaroo ... because what could be scarier than a hairy lobster-clawed sloth beast with big teeth LEAPING TOWARDS YOU?
(long pause) ... Interviewer stands back for next question, sneaking worried glances over left shoulder whilst listening for Slobbo, the were-skippy.
Q3. If you had (pauses for another look over shoulder) the opportunity to spend the night in the haunted location of your choice - anywhere in the world - where would it be? Or would you pass?
I wouldn't pass so long as I'm not alone. I wouldn't do it by myself, that's for sure. But with company? Holy crap. So many options! I've always wanted to go to Waverly Hills, in Kentucky. It's an old sanitarium (what IS it about me and old sanitariums? I tell ya ...) , fearsomely haunted, and I think that Ghost Hunters on the SciFi channel even did an episode there. Really, I'd be game to go just about anyplace, so long as I was assured (a). that I wouldn't be alone, (b). some good recording equipment and (c). somebody else would be paying my traveling expenses.
Q4. If a friend with a time machine gave you the chance to go back in time and alter something from your writing past, what would it be? Telling your 15 year-old self to burn that first novel? Or would you say 'forget it' and take the machine back to watch an early Bowie concert?
Bowie. All the way. I've made a lot of mistakes, but I've learned from them -- and it's worked out fairly well so far. So yes. Let's say "Bowie" on that one. Or let's just say "Bowie" a lot anyway. Bowie Bowie Bowie ...
Q5. You receive a phone call from a serial killer. He asks you the same question he asked his previous victims. "You have 150 words to sell me your book. 150 words exactly. If I like what you write I'll buy the book. If I don't you die." What would your 150 words be?
Which book? I've got this stack of them, see ... But okay. Let's take Dreadful Skin (since that's the next one out). Dreadful Skin is a trio of stories about a little Irish nun who hunts werewolves with a silver-bullet-loaded Colt. The first story, "The Wreck of the Mary Byrd," is my werewolf/steamboat/disaster novella; the second one, "Halfway to Holiness," has the nun infiltrating a traveling Pentecostal camp meeting (in search of werewolves); and the third, "Our Lady of the Wasteland," features our nun-hero hunting werewolves in [cue Jack Palance voice] the ooooold west.
Is that less than 150 words? Cripes, I hope so ...
A glance towards the serial killer. He likes the nun, the silver-bullet-loaded Colt brings back memories... But he's not sure about the word count. He's taking off his shoes and socks ... putting down his chainsaw... Oh dear, I knew he should have done that the other way round. But ... here comes the verdict. He raises a thumb - several thumbs, several pieces of thumbs. And it's a many thumbs-up verdict for Dreadful Skin.
Thank you, Cherie. The mediums power down, the serial killer limps off towards a distant alley, and Cherie's ghostly presence returns from whence it came.
Or is it ... BEHIND YOU!
Now, for those still able to read, did anyone see any ectoplasm? Did anyone sober see any ectoplasm? Did Cherie's astral form billow out and grasp a pen? And if it did, did it write anything you can sell on eBay? Enquiring minds need to know.
Meanwhile, Dreadful Skin can be pre-ordered from all good bookshops including Amazon in the US and UK. For those who can't wait,Wings to the Kingdom is out now in the US, the UK and all good bookshops worldwide.
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Once more the Astraldome has its walls hosed down, the drains unblocked and ... welcomes Goblin Quest author Jim C. Hines.
So, same format as before, with the help of two mediums strapped to a supercomputer we are going to astrally project Jim from his dungeon in Michigan to a place very close to your computer screen. A slight warning: Doris 'internationally renowned medium' Scrote is back on the drink - so there may be some ectoplasm wander. If any gets on your keyboard - don't let your cat lick it up.
Ready? Okay, Windows ESP is loading and the quantum computer is in a state. Now concentrate on Jim's picture below. Will him across the astral plane. And keep concentrating. Hold that image. The astral plane is a slippery place to cross - especially with Doris back on the bottle - Jim's spectral image might snap back.
Can you see it? Jim's spectral form? Then let the interview commence...
Q1. You sold your first pro story to Writers of the Future in 1998. What do you think was different about that story compared to your earlier ones that didn't sell?
Ah, good question. Unlike my earlier, "failed" stories, this one had a magical dagger shaped like a bunny.
Seriously, this was the first story I really had fun with. Up until that point, I had worked very hard on what I thought my stories should be. This time, I just relaxed and wrote what I wanted. My characters bantered back and forth, they played practical jokes in the middle of their adventure, and I had a blast writing it. I'm told that sense of fun really came through in the story.
Still, a knife that can wiggle its nose and bite a disrespectful owner is a strong selling point in my book.
Q2. Goblin Quest is about a goblin who lives in a dungeon, gets press-ganged, forced to fight hobgoblins, carrion worms, zombies and necromancers, and search for hidden treasure. Is it autobiographical?
Jig the goblin is a nearsighted little runt who gets picked on by all the bigger, stronger, popular goblins. I'd like to say for the record that there is absolutely nothing autobiographical about it. Nope, nothing whatsoever.
Fortunately, Jig is also a clever little guy, and a great deal of fun. He's the underdog, and unlike a lot of fantasy quest adventures, he's not "the chosen one" in any way. No special gifts or powers, nothing but his wits and his pet fire-spider. He absolutely hates this whole quest thing, but as it turns out, he's not half bad at it. Better than the real adventurers, at least.
Of course, the adventurers don't appreciate being shown up by a mere goblin, so even Jig's successes come around to bite him. It's rough being a goblin.
Q3. You receive a phone call from a serial killer. He asks you the same question he asked his previous victims. "You have 150 words to sell me your book. 150 words exactly. If I like what you write I'll buy the book. If I don't you die." What would your 150 words be?
Thank God. I was afraid this would be another political call.
As a serial killer, you'll appreciate the goblin mindset. Goblins just want to stay alive. If that means they smile at you, then stick a knife in your back the moment you let down your guard, so be it. That's what you get for turning your back on a goblin. After all, the closest word for "trust" in the goblin tongue is a word that means "gullible" or "dumb as dung," depending on context.
Jig also comes up with some very creative ways to attack his enemies. You need a flaming spider for at least one of them, but I'm sure a clever fellow like you could find a few useful ideas.
And really, who doesn't appreciate good old-fashioned cannibalism jokes?
To close, Wil Wheaton called the book, "too f***ing cool for words." What else is there to say?
A quick pause for a reaction. He's not too happy about being compared to a goblin. But he does have this strange fixation on Wesley Crusher. So ... yes, it's an ectoplasmic f***ing thumbs-up from our serial killer. On with the next question...
Q4. Looking at Goblin Quest I suspect a D&D past. But which role did you prefer - dungeonmaster or adventurer?
Oh, I go both ways. Um, wait . . . can I rephrase that?
I enjoy the storytelling side of running an adventure, and trying to keep up with both the really clever and the really dumb choices my players make. But it's also a great deal of fun for me to be one of those players, being really clever and defeating a room full of manure-wading, methane-generating stink-monsters with a single fire spell, then leaping into a whirlpool in full plate mail the next.
Goblin Quest definitely has its share of gaming humor, for those attuned to catch it. Most of my college friends will recognize a certain dwarf's obsession with mapping, for example. But the story itself and most of the jokes are written for gamers and non-gamers alike.
Q5. I notice on your website it says that you've amassed 500+ rejections. Any really memorable ones? Threats to set the dogs on you if you send any more stories?
My very first rejection letter was from the Clarion Workshop. I applied several times, to both workshops, and never got in. (Though I was an alternate several times.) What makes this one most memorable is the fact that earlier this summer, I was invited to be a guest instructor at Clarion. I've also got a rejection from Marion Zimmer Bradley, asking why I had written this pointless story. I sold her one later, for the very last issue of Marion Zimmer Bradley's Fantasy Magazine.
Rejection letters can be frustrating, but few things are more satisfying than turning around and blowing that rejection away with a sale to the editor in question. (Or with an invitation to lecture, in the case of Clarion.)
Thank you, Jim. The mediums power down, Doris falls down, and Jim's ghostly presence slithers back along the plane, gnaws at an engine then disappears.
Now for feedback - did anyone see any ectoplasm? Did anyone sober see any ectoplasm? Did Jim's astral form billow out and grasp a pen? And if it did, did it write anything legible? Enquiring minds need to know.
Meanwhile, Goblin Quest can be bought from all good bookshops including Amazon in the US and UK
And details of Jim's book tour across the blogosphere can be found here
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