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Spellspam Interview: a Cat's Perspective
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Mar. 11th, 2008 @ 10:12 am
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This week the International Kittens of Mystery invite Laptop and Boboko, without whom (as all cats know) Alma Alexander would not have been able to write the latest Worldweaver's book - Spellspam - which is out today.
Because of the premature end to last week's interview (following the tuna incident) Xena has decided to assist Kai this week.
Kai: How do you most help your human with her writing? Do you warm her keyboard? Help her with the typing? Or do you translate her text into Polish with some clever paw strokes?
Xena: You asked that last week.
Kai: So? It's my best question. (flicks tail pointedly and turns to Laptop)
Laptop: I find that pathetic meows from the middle of the office where I am just too far to reach REALLY help her concentration. it helps her focus in the right place - which is, of course, me.
Boboko: Well, there are times I want lovings. Like, NOW. And there are times I want her to clean the litter box. Like, NOW. And there are times that I want her to... oh, wait... you mean she was doing something else?
Kai: Humans ALWAYS think they're doing something else. (climbs onto back of chair, tries to turn, teeters precariously, overbalances, digs in claws and swings precariously from front paws whilst trying to pass off entire incident as pre-planned) Thea's a double seventh - seventh child of two seventh child parents. Those are pretty big litters for humans. So, I'm guessing Thea's really a kitten, isn't she? It's one of those allegorical stories where the heroine has to be a human for marketing purposes but we all know she's really a kitten.
Boboko: Yes but how long are her whiskers?
Laptop: Pah. Humans just get carried away sometimes. Doesn't mean they can aspire to be cats.
Xena: (watching the tempting target of Kai's fluffy tail swing in front of her nose for one too many times) thwap!
Kai: Ow! Are ... are there any magical kittens in this book?
Laptop: There are no such things as NON-magical kittens. In this book or anywhere else. Yes, there's a cat - I'm told that SHE has committed the atrocity of amalgamating me and my silly brother into one creature for her character's cat, but we can both forgive her that. She probably didn't want to hurt our feelings by choosing one over the other. And I fully realise that she couldn't have a cat called Laptop in a book which has to do with cyber magic - humans are easily confused - hence the name she gave the cat in the book.
Boboko: There's a cat in the book?
Kai: (trying to read the autocue while hanging upside down) Yawny raft ot kooq...
Xena (rolls eyes) How would you suggest a cat sells this book to their human? What would your pitch be?
Laptop: We cats, we have known for a long time there is more to the world that you know than just what you can smell or paw or hear, that there are other creatures out there (some of them ARE food, arguably) and that you need to open your mind to the possibilities. And that once you become aware of yourself and what you are and what your place is in all the worlds that you can walk in, anything is possible, really.
Boboko: You DO know that neither of us can read...? But this book was written by She Who Doles Out Treats and Kibble. We like treats and kibble, Lap and I. So buy the book, and help her keep the kibble coming...
Kai: (falls down, shocked) Kibble can be stopped? What about the Kibble Fairy?
Xena: Thwap! (turns to Laptop) Any plans to talk your human into writing some cat-centric mythology. I'm thinking Bast the Egyptian cat goddess.
Laptop: ALL HAIL TO BAST - and don't think we haven't been trying. With the help of the Cat Headed One, we will prevail. And if she doesn't there's always the option of wandering across her keyboard on our own and doing it ourselves. In Polish.
Boboko: Well how was I supposed to know that the pile of treats you wouldn't eat was an offering to Bast and not just something I could finish off?... Sorry, folks. I messed up the sacrifice. I guess the Cat Headed One will have to wait just a little longer for her story... ooooh... SQUIRRELS...
Kai: Squirrels? Where?
Xena: Come back! We haven't finished...
Well, if it's not tuna it's squirrels.
Here's Laptop and Boboko behaving themselves:
And here's Kai and Xena having an animated discussion about third person narrative:
If you'd like to know more about Laptop and Boboko click here
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Four Cats and a Goblin (plus some Tuna)
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Mar. 4th, 2008 @ 11:23 am
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As heralded last week, our international kitten of mystery (the kitten formerly know as Kai) is conducting a series of feline interviews to prove the old adage - 'Behind every successful author there's a cat - and there's another one over there and one's got the manuscript and one's on the keyboard and Noooo!'
Today, Kai welcomes Flop, Pod and Flit who's pet human, Jim Hines, has a book coming out today. The book is called Goblin War and makes an ideal gift for pet humans of all ages.
Kai: (balancing precariously on arm of chair while trying to read autocue) How do you most help your human with his writing? Do you warm his keyboard? Help him with the typing? Or do you translate his text into Polish with some clever paw strokes?
Flop: Some humans need more help than others. Jim requires a three-cat team. Flit over there helps keep him on schedule, making sure he doesn't sleep in too late. Pod provides financial incentive for Jim's work by shredding the occasional curtain. As for me, I keep the other two in line.
Pod: What's that supposed to mean? You think just because I'm missing a leg, you can--
Flop: *thwapthwapthwap*
Pod: Hey, I was just asking.
Flit: Huh? What was the question?
Kai: (falls off chair, almost lands on feet, swishes tail and blames last week's earthquake in Market Rasen) Are there any magical kittens in his book?
Flop: No magical kittens, but there are tunnel-cats, the fiercest beasts in the whole trilogy. Jig the goblin might be able to fight humans and wizards and even a dragon, but he never messes with the tunnel-cats.
Pod: What about that short story where the tunnel-cat gets--
Flop: I don't want to talk about that. I'm pretty sure the dogs wrote that scene when we weren't looking. They'll pay for that one of these days.
Flit: Wait, what's going on? Who are we talking to now?
Kai: (sharpening claws on chair legs) With your human writing all these books about goblins, when's he going to produce a cookery book? There must be some good goblin recipes - maybe with a little tuna...
Flit: Tuna! (bounds away)
Flop: You had to say the T-word, didn't you.
Pod: Most goblin recipes sound pretty good to me, actually. But humans don't seem to appreciate them. Don't ask me why. The barbequed elf with rock serpent gravy is especially tempting.
Kai: (mouth open, head back, glazed look while doing a passing imitation of Snowball imitating Homer Simpson) Rock serpent gravy... (gurgle, wretch - unexpected hairball) How would you suggest a cat sells this book to their monkey? What would your pitch be?
Flit: He lied. There wasn't any tuna. Go sneeze on him, Pod!
Flop: Jig the goblin takes a very feline approach to adventures and quests: he wants nothing to do with them. He'd rather curl up and nap, or at least hide somewhere that the warrior goblins don't pick on him. Instead, he gets dragged off on some silly human adventure, and has to survive with his wits and his fangs. Also with his pet spider who sets things on fire a lot.
Pod: I had a pet spider, but I eated him.
Flop: Anyway, it's an entertaining book, particularly for anyone who's familiar with the tropes of the genre. Jig's a very loveable character, for a biped.
Flit: What's a trope?
Kai: (acting knowledgeable)It's French for mole. Not as nice as mouse but better than spider. Do you think any of the characters in your human's books are based upon you?
Flop: Well, the elves who appear in the first and third books are highly graceful, like myself.
Pod: Didn't you fall off the DVD player again last night?
Flop: *thwap* Some of the goblins are a little dense in the head. I'll leave it to you to decide which of us inspired them.
Flit: Wait, maybe there's tuna now! (Bounds off again)
Kai (bounding in pursuit) Tuna? Wait for me!
And there - a little sooner than planned but we are talking tuna - the interview ended.
Here's Flop, Pod and Flit in the Green Room interviewing the tuna.
And here's Kai resting after a heavy meal.
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A New Book
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Jun. 15th, 2007 @ 04:07 pm
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After what seems like months of solid promotional activities I'm now back writing. Yay! I'm aiming to get a synopsis and the first three chapters of my new fantasy detective novel ready for pitching before I disappear off to America for Westercon and Readercon.
The synopsis is almost done - I need to work out the denouement - and I'm nearly 2,000 words into the first chapter.
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I'm Back
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Jun. 12th, 2007 @ 03:45 pm
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Not only back but also alive - always a bonus when returning from foreign trips:) The book signings weren't packed by any means but I met a lot of interesting people and had a good time. There was even a film crew at the Piccadilly signing. The company that made last year's documentary series on British SF for BBC4 are doing another BBC series - this time on fantasy fiction - and came along to interview fans and the more photogenic authors. Where's Kai when you need him:)
And I returned to hear via ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) halspacejock in Australia that Resonance had just entered Galaxy's bestseller list at number 7. Yay!
Now I have my Readercon panels to work out and a book proposal or two to write.
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Signed Copy Winner plus UK Book Tour News
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May. 25th, 2007 @ 10:49 am
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The draw for the winner of the signed copy of Resonance has just been made and with the help of the astral hand of Pelham Grenville Wodehouse - and Jeeves after the first three attempts to grasp a numbered ball failed - the winner is .... Dawn from Lyrique Tragedy.
A signed copy will be winging itself across the physical plane.
And I've just finalised the last leg of my Physical Book Tour to the UK. The itinerary is:
June 7th (5:30-7pm) Waterstone's Piccadilly, London
(7:15+) Melton Mowbray pub, Holborn, London
June 8th (5-6pm) Waterstone's Birmingham High Street
June 9th (3-4pm) Waterstone's Southampton Above Bar
The Piccadilly signing is with Steph Swainston, Jon Courtenay Grimwood, Robert Holdstock, myself, David Langford, John Lambshead, Andrew Dennis, Eric Brown, Steve Savile and David Devereux.
The Birmingham signing is with Robert Holdstock, Juliet McKenna, myself, Mark Chadbourn, Ian McLeod, Eric Brown, Steve Savile, David Devereux and Graham McNeill.
And Southampton is just me - no safety net, no astral hand, no international kitten of mystery for support - just me.
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A dream novel
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May. 14th, 2007 @ 12:02 pm
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I had a one of 'those' dreams on Friday - the ones where you wake up convinced you have the plot to the next killer novel and can't wait to start writing it. Usually this lasts less than ten seconds as the cruel light of day intercedes and reveals that your brilliant idea makes no sense, has no plot and the main character appears to be a giant fluffy were-bunny called Norman.
But not this time ... as he's called 'The Bunny With No Name'
Or maybe not.
Anyway, early Saturday morning I awoke with the solution to a story I've been struggling with for a couple of years. It started when I set out to write a fantasy detective short story and 15k words into the 5k story gave up. The story wouldn't end. There wasn't enough for a novel but, every time I tried to bring the story to a conclusion, it refused. Something wasn't right. Minor plot points refused to be resolved, the detective didn't feel right and the city was wrong.
So, I trunked the idea for a year. Then decided to chop it ruthlessly down to 5k by simplifying the structure and cutting out most of the sub plots. The result: a bare bones story that raced from start to finish without stopping anywhere long enough to become interesting. And the detective was still wrong.
Then I had the dream. I had the wrong detective. The one I should have had was the detective I used in an even older short story. He was perfect. Not an obvious choice. Not even a logical one. But for this story he was the perfect one. And the city which I'd been writing about was wrong too. It had been a two dimensional pastiche whereas my dream city teased apart all those half-formed ideas and rearranged them into a living city that, like all good cities, became as much a character as its citizens.
I've been working on the outline ever since and I haven't had so many plot pieces falling into place since Resonance. It's amazing how some books clamour to be written whereas others have to be dragged one idea at a time from an unwilling muse.
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Jon Courtenay Grimwood and Robert Holdstock
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May. 12th, 2007 @ 05:57 pm
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Yes, Jon Courtenay Grimwood (9Tail Fox) and Robert Holdstock (Mythago Wood) are coming to the June 7th mass signing at Waterstones Piccadilly. There are now nine of us - nine authors to bring them all and in the bookshop sign them:)
The full line up is Steph Swainston, Robert Holdstock, Jon Courtenay-Grimwood, Chris Dolley, Steven Savile, Andrew Dennis, Eric Brown, John Lambshead and David Devereux.
We'll be at the store from 5:30 until 7pm.
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Virtual Book Tour
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Apr. 26th, 2007 @ 03:47 pm
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Here's the Press Release (I'll be producing a starter pack in the next day or so for those new to the VBT hosting experience and life on the astral plane)
PRESS RELEASE
To mark the release of the paperback edition of Resonance on May 22nd I'm organising a virtual book tour with a difference.
What's a virtual book tour?
It's the low carb (footprint) version of the traditional author tour. Instead of jetting around the world signing books and meeting readers the author seeks out volunteers to host an appearance on their blogs or websites.
What does a volunteer host have to do?
As little or as much as you'd like. From posting a link and a comment on your blog on May 22nd that Resonance is out ... through to joining in the remote signing experiment (more later).
Often volunteers host an author interview. You send me a list of up to four questions before May 19th, I send you the answers and then, on May 22nd, you post the author interview on your blog or website. I'll keep track of all the host sites and post a list of all the participating sites on my blog.
What's this remote signing experiment?
Some of you may have heard of Margaret Atwood's remote signing pen - a robotic arm that she'd send to book stores while she stayed at home. A sensor mimicked every movement that Margaret's arm made and the remote pen signed the books.
Brilliant ... that is until the wiring became reversed and Margaret spent the next three hours trapped in her living room painting invisible Volkswagens.
But technology has moved on since then. Margaret has a good job with Peugeot and I - as people who've seen the virtual tours I've hosted for other authors will testify - have two mediums strapped to a quantum computer. And Windows ESP.
The result: an astrally projected author's hand ... Sometimes... Windows ESP is still in beta testing and Doris, one of the mediums, likes to drink. So, if you'd like to join in the remote signing experiment, and you're not afraid of ectoplasm, get in touch. Will my ghostly hand appear? Will it sign a book, a check, behave?
Are there prizes?
Everyone hosting an author interview will have their name placed in a virtual hat. An astrally projected hand will then select the lucky winner who will receive a signed copy of Resonance.
And for those hosting a remote signing there will be a prize for the most creative post - as judged by a panel of four dead authors (the astral plane is full of them) The prize being a free ebook from Webscriptions who have books by Heinlein, Bujold, Moon, Stross, Niven, Weber and McCaffrey to name but a few.
What's Resonance about?
It's an SF mystery novel set in London - the story of two people whose lives appear fragmented across alternate realities and how, together, they hold the key to the future of a billion worlds.
It's published by Baen and was selected by the SFBC as a featured book.
How do I volunteer?
Sign up using the comment box or send an email to chris dot dolley (at) worldonline.fr
And don't worry, the remote signing is Vatican and Goddess approved. No Dark Forces will be invoked to help with the spelling.
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Virtual Book Tour
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Apr. 25th, 2007 @ 04:40 pm
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Still finalizing the details but I'll be taking to the astral plane on May 22nd to celebrate the release of Resonance: The Paperback.
Details to come soon.
On the book signing front it looks like I have a venue in Poole on Saturday, June 9th.
And, finally, more news on the fontaine - I'm still up to my knees in mud and busy excavating. The hoped for left-side stone wall has not materialised. It's a rough stone and rubble mixed with mud undulating bank - not the twin of the superb stone wall on the right. But I will attempt to fashion a new stone wall out of what's there and what I can scavenge from our ruin. Having a medieval stone ruin on your land has its advantages:)
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Book Signing at Waterstones
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Apr. 23rd, 2007 @ 05:51 pm
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Well the UK leg of the book tour is at last coming together. After juggling dates and prospective venues for weeks I can now announce that the tour begins on Thursday June 7th with a book signing at Waterstones Pïccadilly - which besides being the biggest book shop in Europe (it has eight and a half miles of book shelves over six floors) also happens to be the building which housed the 1930s department store, Simpsons, the inspiration behind Grace Bros of 'Are You Being Served' fame.
So, I'm free at 5:30pm on June 7th. Are you?
It's going to be a veritable SF&F author fest with Steph Swainston, Steve Savile, Andrew Dennis, John Lambshead and Eric Brown bringing along their pens.
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Snow!
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Mar. 19th, 2007 @ 04:43 pm
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Just as our garden was wondering if it was spring or summer ... along comes the snow and a couple of woolly mammoths. Well, woolly lambs anyway. The snow's melted now but we're in the grip of Arctic winds and intermittent sleet. Which means a busy time for us ferrying lambs in and out of the building - they shiver outside in the sleet and get stir crazy in their pens when it stops.
The lambs are filling out with every passing hour and can now leap tall boulders at a single bound. I've taken some video footage of them playing which I may post. Watching lambs play is endless entertainment. They are full of energy and have little co-ordination - so much racing around, falling over, four-footed hops, unexpected swerves and smirky cuteness.
On the writing front, I'm aiming to finalise my US tour this summer. I'll be attending Westercon in San Francisco (Jun 30- Jul 3) and Readercon in the Boston area (Jul 5-8) and I'm looking to arrange signings in both California and Mass.
As for the UK, it looks like I'll kick off the tour on June 7th with a joint book launch with fellow Brit and Baen author, John Lambshead. It may be at the Melton Mowbray pub in Holborn, London. Details are fluid at the moment - as they would be seeing as a pub is involved:)
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Dublin, Ancient Ones and Two Very New Ones
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Mar. 13th, 2007 @ 04:19 pm
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I had a great time in Dublin - my first SF convention, my first time in Ireland and only the second time I've been outside France in 12 years.
I'll give a fuller report later but here are a few highlights:
First, Dublin - a very busy, friendly, vibrant, cosmopolitan city. Walking down O'Connell Street I was amazed at how many different languages I could hear. And the nightlife went on until late. How late? Well, my hotel room was directly above a bar where a very loud cover band were belting out 'Show me the way to Amarillo' at one thirty in the morning. Luckily, five minutes later, someone did and I managed to get some sleep.
Late music aside, the hotel was good. As soon as I saw the review - 'Never under any circumstances stay in this hotel. The corridors are so narrow and twisty that if there was a fire no fat person would get out alive' - I knew this hotel was for me. I like old hotels with narrow twisty corridors. It was cheap, a one minute walk from the convention hotel and people with large appetites were cunningly slowed down during the rush for breakfast.
And what a breakfast. Full Irish breakfast of two sausages, two large rashers of bacon, fried egg, black pudding, baked beans and a 'spicy something with oats' that may have been hog's pudding but may also have been something a wise diner does not enquire too deeply into. Do I hear the word entrails?
As for the convention - there were about a hundred people there of whom, I'd say, about 98% knew at least a couple of other people. The majority knew dozens. As one of the few people who knew absolutely no one it was a bit daunting at first but everyone was very friendly - a real family atmosphere.
Pause for a bit of name-dropping. I went out for a meal with Kim Newman, Maura McHugh and Frank Darcy on the Saturday night. Had a long chat with Ken MacLeod (who actually asked me to sign a copy of Resonance), met Fluff Cthulhu and his prime minions Charlie Stross and Feorag, and next year's guest of honour Catie Murphy.
And I've been invited back next year as a guest. So I'll be returning to Dublin next April for P-Con 5.
Now, the Ancient One. A small child had been eating at a nearby table with his family when his eyes were drawn to Fluff Cthulhu. He thought it was a green frog but wasn't sure. His parents encouraged him to ask the nice lady. So he walked over and asked, 'is that a green frog?'
'No,' the nice lady replied. 'It's an all-powerful ancient one who exists outside of time.'
The child who, unless he too existed outside of time, looked about seven, froze. Except for his lower lip which began to tremble. This was not the kind of answer he'd been expecting. I foresee years of therapy in his future. And possible a career as a serial killer. 'The green frog made me do it.'
Here's a picture of the ancient one the next day flanked by the nice lady, Feorag, and her husband, 'the green frog made me write it' Charles Stross.
And finally, the New Ones - a boy and a girl - born on Sunday morning. Yes, lambing has begun and pictures will appear on Thursday.
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P-Con 4
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Mar. 8th, 2007 @ 03:18 pm
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Well, I'm off to Dublin at the crack of dawn tomorrow to attend my first SF convention. I doubt if I'll be able to post anything to the blog until Tuesday. Unless I can borrow someone's computer or master remote typing.
But I will return with pictures so there may be an Author Picture Tuesday next week. And maybe a Lamb Picture Tuesday as lambing is due to begin on Sunday.
And on Wednesday we take a break from 24 (it's in Kai's contract that he can have only one life endangering flea bath a week) and offer up the Kitten's Guide to Car Maintenance.
I hope you all have as good a weekend as I intend to have.
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Promotion
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Feb. 12th, 2007 @ 04:01 pm
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Has being published made any difference to the rate at which you write, or would you have gone on to write the next two books after Resonance regardless?
I thought this question deserved a longer answer. Gone are the days - if they ever existed - when an author received that offer of publication for his/her novel and everyone lived happily ever after. Getting published is difficult enough but staying published is harder.
So, would I have gone on to write the two next books? Yes, I'm a writer. Though, having said that, I think continuing rejection wears away at even the most addicted writer. I don't know if I could have taken my unpublished novel count into double figures.
But did it slow down my output? Definitely. Why? Promotion. Seasoned writers may say don't do it, that promotion is for publishers and the best thing a writer can do is write the next book.
But... if the first book doesn't sell you endanger the second book. And if the second book tanks then there goes your career.
Economics. Publishing is a business. Many bookstores base their book orders on how well the last book did and how much money the publisher is putting behind the new book. The quality of the book doesn't necessarily enter into the equation.
So, unless you're famous and/or have a publisher willing to spend $50k+ to promote your book ... you need to get out there and push both the book and yourself.
Which means lots of networking and research. Take last week for example - I spent quite a lot of time researching UK bookstores, finding out which chains had central buying, how they were organised and who would be the best person to contact. The result - excellent feedback from both Waterstones and Borders.
Now, some people will say that that wasn't my job. My publisher should have done that. But Baen are a US publisher, they don't have a UK sales force. And no one is more motivated to sell a book than the author.
And with hundreds of thousands of books competing for shelf space it's a complacent author who doesn't take an active role. Writing a great book is no longer a sure way to a prominent shelf display. In the UK recently there was a furore when it was let slip that a book chain's 'book of the week' was not selected on quality but by a publisher handing over £50k. It's the same with window displays. A good window display in a big store costs £30k. Unknown authors can't compete with that. So we have to network and push and tour and persuade.
Or, failing that, marry or murder a celebrity. Preferably both. On camera.
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What to Do When the Words won't Flow
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Feb. 9th, 2007 @ 10:33 am
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Most, if not all, writers experience times when words misbehave - either fleeing for the coast or arranging themselves in the wrong order, with all the best words hiding at the back, hands in pockets and refusing to co-operate.
So, what do you do?
Unfortunately there is no magic solution. Well there is but you have to be a magician to use it. Instead there are several well-trodden remedies. And like all remedies, some only work for old wives.
Remedy One. The keep writing rule. Like baseball crowds in cornfields - if you write it, those good words will come. It may take some time but that's what second drafts are for. Many writers swear by this, others just swear. Me, I can't do it. I have to be 100% committed to what I'm writing. When I am, the writing flows. I feel the right phrase, words queue up and immolate themselves on the screen. But when I'm not, I almost get an allergic reaction.
Weird but true. If I force myself to write I feel ... wrong. Not exactly nauseous but the emotional equivalent. Suddenly anything is preferable to writing. Cleaning out the litter tray, washing up. And if I keep typing it's so easy to descend into the 'it sucks, I suck, why bother' cycle of writerly despair.
So I clean out the litter tray. My view, and it works for me, is that there's a time to write and a time to clean out litter trays. If the story's good the muse will return and until then why churn out 1000 words of crap a day? The world has enough crap and it's incumbent upon us all to keep our crap footprint small.
That's Remedy Two - take a break until the muse returns. Not good when you're working to deadline or have a muse who takes frequent sabbaticals.
Which brings me to Remedy Three. Analysis. Where has the suckiness come from? Is it the scene you're writing? The characters? I've certainly found this helpful in the past. Go back to the parts of the book you were happy with and work out what went wrong. Writing is as much about deleting as it is creating.
Remedy Four. Move on. Jump forward to a scene you feel happy with and start from there. This gives you plenty of time to come up with a bridging scene in draft two.
Remedy Five. Switch to another project. Most writers will have more than one project - the embryonic idea for the next novel, a short story, an outline, a synopsis. Switch to the project that excites you the most and get back the will to write. That way you stay productive and return to the original project in a better and more objective mood.
For remedies six and up consult your inner psychologist. Paraphrasing Kipling, there are nine and sixty ways of handling writer's block and every one of them is er ... oh sh**, what's the word?
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